MY ACNE STORY

ac·ne
ˈaknē/
noun
 
  1. the occurrence of inflamed or infected sebaceous glands in the skin; in particular, a condition characterized by red pimples on the face, prevalent chiefly among teenagers. 

Today is the day, I’m going to share my acne story with all of you! That exclamation point makes me kind of nervous but also excited to share a part of my life that has sometimes made me feel horrible about myself but also made me strong and beautiful. I have been inspired by the many accounts on Instagram that share their acne story with the world, face first. What brave, strong women and men to share their deepest and darkest insecurity with the world, wow! You know, I have been wanting to write this post for a while but I keep holding off thinking to myself ‘what will people think of my skin? Will they think it’s gross?’. And then I realized that it really doesn’t matter because IT’S JUST SKIN, IT’S NOT ME. I truly hope to inspire those who are also dealing with acne to be brave and to be beautiful and to be strong because a cluster of zits on our chins and cheeks doesn’t define who we are.

So my story started at the beginning of the year in 2015. But let’s back up to my teenage years where you’re typically supposed to get all the pimples, or at least thats what I thought. As a teenager I got the odd pimple, here or there and mostly during my period. I had quite a few small bumps around my face but they never really turned into full pimples. So needless to say I was blessed with relatively clear skin. Which also meant I didn’t really wear much makeup, of course some eyeliner and mascara but not a lot of foundation or concealer. [Side note, these were also the days where I thought bronzer was supposed to go all over your face, dkm but like no one knew what contour was. And if you aren’t picturing it, I mean dipping my powder brush into the bronzer and putting it EVERYWHERE like it was translucent powder.] Anyway, my first two years of college I had clear skin still, again usually getting some hormonal breakouts. I tried some topical treatments for the few breakouts I got and they did nothing except dry out my skin and not help the pimples so that was a bust.

At the beginning of 2015 I started getting more and more into makeup (Thank you Michelle for introducing me to YouTube tutorials). And if I can remember correctly my skin was slowly starting to change so I wanted to get a full coverage foundation. I was getting a few more pimples than usual so of course I wanted to cover them up. For the next few months until around July my skin was okay, only a few pimples consistently. In August 2015 my skin took a turn for the worst. I started getting a lot of consistent pimples around my chin, they would come, go and come back. From there, I got a cluster of consistent pimples on my left cheek, then my right cheek, then my forehead. This happened over a period of time into the new year (2016). In addition to acne on my face I  also got backne 🙂 During that time, I was moving abroad to study in Scotland for a few months so I think stress and environment change was a factor in my skin changing. But who really knows, acne has a mind of it’s own and really does whatever it wants. My skin just became worse and worse until I had consistent clusters of pimples all over my face. They were raw, they hurt and they were hard to ignore. I remember feeling disgusting like people shouldn’t have to look at my skin, I thought it was disgusting. I came to a point where I hated my skin and that hate translated into hating myself. I felt gross! Makeup can sometimes cover the redness but it doesn’t cover the bumps. I didn’t understand why at the age 20/21 I was starting to get acne, this is supposed to happen during puberty I told myself!!!

When you’re an adult and you have acne, you feel like a hot pile of shite (excuse my language mom). You look at everyone else your age and they have clear skin and then you look like a 14 year old going through puberty! Fun times! It doesn’t feel great. I remember at one point every time I took a shower I didn’t want to clean my face or even touch it because my cheeks hurt to the touch, the pimples were now causing me pain! Rude! It hurt to put moisturizer on, it hurt to pat my face dry. It sucked. I think this was the turning point where I needed to start doing something serious and visit the doctor. I did some research on my options in terms of medication and topical treatments. I had tried a few prescription topical spot treatments over the past couple years but nothing really worked. Horror story alert: I tried proactive once and it bleached all my face towels so thats a no from me, if it bleaches my towels I don’t even want to know what it does to my skin.

Finally, I felt my only safe option I could try was birth control. I really had nothing to lose at this point and I was fed up, I just wanted clear skin again. I was tired of being the only person out of my friends to have a face full of red, inflamed zits. I marked my calendar when I would start, I took my before photos and I was off. Waiting for something to change had me anxious!! You bet I was watching all the YouTube videos about acne, about birth control, I was reading the blog posts about it. I wanted to know when I would start seeing a change. My one sister always loves to tell me “Lilly, it takes more than a day for something to start working!”. Honestly, it took about two months to see a noticeable difference. I started birth control at the beginning of June and by the end of July almost all my major pimples had de-surfaced (if that makes sense). The pimples were no longer above the skin, I had nothing to pop basically.  So there I was left with A TON of scars. This is the part that hurt me the most, I had always feared this would happen and I’ve seen acne scarring before and it terrifies me. That stuff hardly ever goes away no matter how many deep tissue facials you have or how expensive that serum is, they don’t go away. Writing this is making me tear up because I know how bad I felt about myself then and it hurts to know my fear was staring me back in the mirror.

I was booked to see a dermatologist in October of 2016 to see what could be the reason for this acne starting so late. I wanted answers!! Unfortunately, my experience with the dermatologist was very anti-climactic. I was given no answers to why, I was rushed out the the appointment and was still very confused. I left with a prescription for pills to take because my pimples/skin were itchy. Let me tell you, these pills sucked because there were so many rules on when to take them and how. I tried for a month I think and gave up because it seemed pointless to me.

From that point, I knew the birth control was actually controlling my acne and I was no longer getting pimples. My focus now turned full force into skincare and what I could do to improve the scarring I was left with. Every single spot I ever had a pimple was now marked with a red scar, a memory of what was there before. Other areas had even deeper scarring, my cheeks were hit the hardest with scarring as I have actual indentation from the acne. I tried several cleansers, moisturizers and serums, I can’t say that one really helped improve my skin. I think it was just really time and a consistent routine to clean my face that really helped the scars. Over time, and I mean timmmmmme the scars started to fade. There was nothing really that could speed up the progress but I was at least glad I was no longer getting pimples. Except for the odd one during my period.

Things were going well with my skin, from around July 2016 until May/June 2017. Around June 2017, I started to notice I was getting a couple pimples consistently around my chin. I thought maybe a job change, stress, etc could be a factor so I thought nothing of it. I was also getting a pimple in the exact same spot on each cheek every few weeks, and this was a big one, like one of those pimples that are so deep in the skin, so red and then they never come to a point to pop them. I started thinking the worst, that this was starting all over again, but how, I was on birth control!!!! In October I met with my doctor again to see if the birth control was no longer really helping my skin, I wanted to see if there were any other options out there. I switched types of birth control to see if that would make a difference. The first type of birth control was Tri-Cyclen Lo 21 Days and the current one is Alysena 21. And that brings us up to speed on my acne story. I sit here today with a few annoying pimples on my chin and quite a few on my jawline. My acne scars have diminished quite a bit on my cheeks and are almost gone on my forehead. I still struggle daily with how my skin looks because it seems like it will be something that never truly gets better.

You know, life goes on and you get acne. But that doesn’t mean life has to suck or you have to feel gross everyday. I have become happy and comfortable with my skin and how I look. Yeah, for sure, I have days where I hate my skin and layer on the foundation and powder but most days I feel great. I look forward to the days where I don’t have to wear makeup and I can let my skin breeeeeathe. To all my fellow acne peeps, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are not your skin. Please do not think you’re gross or that people won’t want to look at you because that’s not true. It may take some time to be comfortable with how your skin is but during the time it takes remember that it’s just that, skin.

[ Side notes: My diet has never really changed tremendously throughout my times with acne so I can’t single out a cause there but I mean I do love sweets and salty things and pizza so you know, I could cut that out a little bit and probably see a difference in my skin. Another factor perhaps influencing my acne is my skin type and genetics. My skin has really never been too oily or too dry so I have ‘self-diagnosed’ myself with combination/sensitive/acne-prone skin. In the genetics part, who knows, I’m not a scientist but you can’t change how you were made up. In terms of skincare, I have always found it difficult to find something that works 100% for scarring and acne. For makeup, I never know if something is breaking me out so I always try new foundations to see what looks best and feels the best on my skin.]

This part of the post is to the people reading who have friends and family (**who do not have acne themselves) with acne and listen up because this is serious!!! Well not so serious but I have a few pointers for you to watch what you say around those with acne because it may not seem like a big deal or you might not even think about it but sometimes it can hurt or be annoying. Sometimes, your friend may not talk about their acne so you don’t think anything of it but trust me they talk about it with themselves.  Disclaimer: I am more then aware we all have our own flaws and insecurities and we are all allowed to feel bad about them and vocalize them. However, if I have the chicken pox, you wouldn’t complain to me that you have one mosquito bite because that’s just being insensitive and annoying (you get what I’m trying to say here?).

Now, acne is just some pimples on the skin but it can make those with it feel ugly and disgusting. We think that people who look at us think we’re dirty or gross. Soooo this is my favourite tip of all, please please please do not say “Ugh I got this pimple on my chin, it’s so annoying”… because you know what, I have around 5 on my chin, all the time and then the scars don’t go away for months. Tbh I understand that the one pimple can be annoying (trust me, I’ve been there lol) and ugly when you never get them but telling that to someone with acne makes them feel gross for having several. Another tip, please do not try and recommend me to just cleanse and moisturize every morning and night. Um yes, I have tried that and I do that and it does not really make a difference. Acne is is not just on top of the skin and cannot be wiped away. My sarcasm here is meant in the nicest way possible, I promise!!!! Just being honest with you.

Okay, now is the exciting part and the part I know you have all been waiting for. Drumroll please. PICTURES!!!!! But first, I want to give a shoutout to my Mom and Dad for always being there when I was having bad days about my skin and making me feel loved when I didn’t love myself. They were there for me when I wanted to make a change and always told but just what I’m telling all of you, it’s just skin. Also, thank you to my friends who always noticed when me skin was getting better. And duh, thanks to my sisters for always letting me rant about my skin and guiding me through the changes I took to get better skin. Love y’all!!!

My acne, pretty much at it’s worst… June 1st, 2016 (pre birth control)

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My acne after birth control… July 26th, 2016

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My acne today…. February 4th, 2017

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Remember this, if you look in the mirror and think ‘wow my face is gross’ (because of acne, redness, spots, scarring, etc) remember that it’s just your skin, not your face. Your face is beautiful all the damn time, just sometimes your skin can be gross. Your skin isn’t who you are.

SEPHORA VIB HAUL + REVIEW

Okay, so the semi-annual Sephora VIB sale has come and gone but the time has come to haul and review all the goodies. The Internet is overflowing with videos and posts about the sale so it’s only right I share my grabs. Share below what you just HAD to get!!

OUAI Matte Pomade … So I got bangs and needed a pomade to style them so they aren’t just a chunk of hair covering my forehead. This pomade is nice because its very thick and creates a wispy look while still staying matte.

Philosophy Purity … I will always purchase this during the sale because it’s a restock, BEST MAKEUP REMOVER EVER. Very gentle on the skin and eyes, you need to try this.

Bare Minerals Liquid Lip … I really never wear lipstick but I felt like this was necessary to buy because it’s a nice pinky/nude colour. It takes a while to dry down but I don’t mind, it looks good creamy. Colour is ‘Slay’.

First Aid Beauty Mask … Peel-off masks are very therapeutic and I needed a new one. My skin feels smooth and clean after and you don’t need to put on a thick layer so the bottle lasts longer, holla for the dolla.

Clinique Fresh Pressed … I heard some good reviews on this product for acne scarred skin so I figured I should buy it during the sale. Sooo, this little bottle is only supposed to last for 7 days and you mix it with your moisturizer am and pm. I haven’t noticed a difference really but we shall see, results take time!

Beauty Blender Cleaner … I am a bad reviewer because I actually haven’t tried this product yet but I am just going to assume that it works well because my current method of cleaning my beauty blender is not working well (current method consists of squeezing the baby soap filled sponge until it looks clean).

NARS Primer … I’m waiting to run out of my current primer to start using this, but just by swatching it feels like it will even out skin texture and fill in pores while creating a good base for makeup, stay tuned.

Fresh Lip Balm … This was completely and utterly an impulse buy because I was watching MannyMUA’s snapchat and he said that this was an amazing lip balm and that it smells good so there it is, I’m sold. It legit smells so good, like caramel popcorn mixed with a caramel swirl candle. Has a bit of a shine on the lips but so far so good in the moisturizing dpt. In case you’re wondering, it doesn’t taste like anything 😦

 

*pics from Pinterest

*products available at Sephora

 

NEW BEAUTY + SKINCARE!

Wow, how long has it been? WAY TOO LONG!! I’m happy to be back writing blog posts and posting more content on Instagram and Facebook. So some news, I have officially graduated with my bachelors degree in fashion management and this is why I have so much extra time on my hands, lol. I hope you enjoy this mini haul / review on my new products.

As an avid stalker on social media I have been so intrigued by Jen Atkin’s line of hair care, so after buying and loving the wave spray I wanted to try the Dry Shampoo Foam. My hair is pretty thick so I usually only use dry shampoo on the third day and it soaks up the excess oil on my roots and gives some volume to my flat, third day hair.

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These two lil guys are my most recent purchases. Still awaiting to see if they have a long term impact on my skin but the Glow Tonic smells great and leaves my skin feeling very clean and refreshed. The Saje Zap spot treatment is good for my bigger pimples and the scent of essential oils is very calming.

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This face mask…well it’s just great, enough said haha. The flash illuminator is also great, I use it under my makeup to create a ‘glow from within’. image3

THIS MOISTURIZER IS THE BOMB. My skin legit looks like it just drank five bottles of water, it looks so healthy and glowy I love it. image4

I’ve been using this cleanser with my Clarisonic as recommended by the woman at Sephora and it leaves my skin very clean, exfoliated and smooth. image5

Friday Favs + Mini Review #shapematters

So, this week’s Friday favourites is just going to be one product but I swear to god this product is so amazing it takes the place of like 5 other products you have in your makeup collection. If you don’t know, I’ve started to get more into beauty and makeup products and I want to bring that into my blog. Much like fashion and clothing, makeup is a way of having fun and trying new things. It’s not about disguising yourself or trying to be something you’re not. It’s about doing what makes you happy and feel good! Enough rambling and let’s get to the good stuff.

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This week I’m talking about the new Smashbox #ShapeMatters palette. If you follow me on Instagram (which you should) then you have seen a couple posts where I rave about how amazing this product is. This product contains 2 eyebrow powders and a wax, 4 contour and highlight shades and 9 eyeshadow shades, oh and a double ended brush for the eyebrows and eyeshadows. This palette is honestly so multi-purpose, it’s amazing. Every single colour in this palette is amazing and can be used for day or night makeup looks. The colours have great pigmentation and they blend very easily. I’ve been using this palette like every single day since I’ve bought it and the colours last so long on the skin. The palette is $69.00 on Sephora.com and it is SO worth the price. I’ve been wanting to buy the contour palette and sticks from Smashbox but have held off since they are a little pricey. So as soon as I heard about this palette, it was a no brainer that I needed it.

Now we’re getting to the real good stuff; swatches and pictures.

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Left to right, top to bottom:

[BROW] eyebrow wax, taupe and soft brown

[FACE] contour, bronze, highlight and glow

[EYE] vanilla, totally nude, champagne, stripped, posh, platinum, sumatra, aubergine, blackout

I’ve been loving wearing ‘GLOW’ as a highlight and ‘HIGHLIGHT’ to set my under eye concealer. Oh the irony. I use ‘CONTOUR’ everyday to, you guessed it, contour. It gives a really natural looking structure to the face, unlike some other powders that look to orange or unnatural. I haven’t gotten around to using the darker eyeshadow shades but I have used almost all the lighter ones and I love them all.

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[BROW] taupe and soft brown

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[FACE] contour, bronze, highlight and glow

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[EYE] blackout, aubergine, sumatra, platinum, posh, stripped, champagne, totally nude, vanilla

If you haven’t gotten the hint already then what I’m trying to say is that you need this palette. Even if you’re a beginner to the makeup world (I still consider myself one), this is a great multi-purpose palette to get you started. If you are usually unsure about buying palettes because of the price or maybe you won’t use a couple shades, like myself, this palette will seriously amaze you and it is definitely worth the price. For me, I took into consideration that I wanted to buy the trio contour sticks from Smashbox and those alone are $52, this palette was only $17 more and I got 1 more contour shade, 9 eyeshadows, a brush and 3 eyebrow products. If that’s not a great value, I don’t know what is.

Comment below if you liked this post and want to see some more beauty-related posts. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to see daily posts and what I’m up too and wearing!! @hungry4style_

Happy Friday!!